Masks Dropped
by HilsonMarvey27
Summary: After a case hits Tony hard he gets drunk and ends up at Gibbs' place. What secrets are revealed in Tony's rare moments of vulnerability? Warnings: swearing and child abuse.
1. Chapter 1: Revelations

**A/N: Okay this has been eating at me for a while so I'm going to start writing it. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Warnings: swearing and child abuse**

When Tony gets drunk, most of his defenses fall. His masks are barely, if at all, there. Nobody on his team has ever seen him drunk enough to see the masks fall. And if they did, they wouldn't know what to think.

The only person on the team that knows about Tony's masks is Gibbs. Gibbs knows everything. Gibb's knew since they met that there was more to the younger man than a mega-watt grin and childish behavior.

Over the years Gibbs had picked up on subtle hints about the real Tony. When a case hit his senior field agent particularly hard – Tony will show up in Gibbs' basement and he'd see the somber looks on his face and the distant behavior. Gibbs could tell that he was seeing a small piece of the man behind the mask.

Considering all of this, it was extremely shocking for Gibbs to open his door one night and see his senior field agent completely wasted. He wasn't drunk anymore, he was wasted.

Earlier that day Gibbs' team had just solved a gruesome case. The victim was a ten year-old boy who was literally beaten to death. They had found him in his uncle's house (a marine). Their first thought was that the uncle was guilty, a completely logical theory. But Tony, he figured the father did something. They had heard that the father and the son didn't exactly get along but nobody really believed the father killed the boy.

Tony then proceeded to investigate the boy's medical files and found the boy was constantly in the hospital mainly for unexplained "accidents". They then spoke to the father and Gibbs eventually got a confession out of him.

Gibbs could tell that Tony was affected by this case but chose not to comment, knowing full well that he would probably show up in his basement this evening. But not drunk. Gibbs wouldn't have guessed drunk.

Gibbs knew the younger man never got drunk with the team and now he knew why. The man's emotions and thoughts were as clear as if they were written on his face. He was surprised at what he saw. Sadness. Anguish. Loneliness.

"Hey, Boss…sorry to bother you…" Tony slurred almost incomprehensively.

"Why are you drunk?" Gibbs couldn't resist asking the question that was plaguing his mind.

"I hate cases like this…" Tony muttered before entering Gibbs' house and sitting down on his couch.

Gibbs could easily tell what he meant. Cases where the family member committed the murder are always horrible. I mean, how could you do that to your child?

Gibbs sighed and walked over and sat down next to his senior field agent.

"Everyone does. But why are you drunk and at my place _this_ time." Gibbs spoke slowly to allow his intoxicated agent to keep up with him.

"'Cuz…it brings back horrible memories…I just…need to forget." Tony looked away as he spoke, suddenly able to feel embarrassed at his words through his drunken haze.

Gibbs just stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

Tony sighed.

"I mean…it makes me remember _my_ father and _my _shitty past…and I'd rather not have those memories brought back if I can avoid it…" Tony paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I could tell. When I saw who the kid was living with, I knew. I could tell because…he was like me…Always left alone or with some random person, but not _him. _Not my father. The only time I saw him was a few days a week when he had some unreleased anger, you know? I was his personal voodoo doll." Tony let out a mirthless chuckle that made even Gibbs feel uncomfortable.

**A/N: What do you think? Should I continue Should I change something? Suggestions? Constructive Criticism?**

**PLEASE review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Awkward Silence

Gibbs was shocked. And he wasn't shocked easily. But this time, he was.

Tony. _His_ Tony was abused. He could tell from what Tony had said about his childhood that it certainly wasn't a happy one, but this was worse than he thought. He thought that Tony was neglected and ignored as a child but to be abused on top of that. That's horrible. If Gibbs ever sees Senior again, he's not sure that he could refrain from breaking the guy's nose…or arm.

Gibbs then broke out of his thoughts when he heard a light snoring. He looked over next to him to find Tony fast asleep on his couch.

Gibbs sighed. The questions will have to wait.

The next morning Tony woke up with a pounding headache. He hates hangovers. Tony doesn't get drunk often but sadly he can always remember what happened while he was drunk even if he couldn't refrain from doing at the time.

Tony let out a soft groan. Why? Why did he go to _Gibbs' place_? Of all places he could have chosen, he chose _Gibbs' place_! And why? Why, did he tell him about his _father_? He's been keeping that hidden for _decades_ and now the only person he tells that believes him, is _Gibbs._ Oh, this sucks…

Maybe if he just continued to feign sleep he could get out of having an awkward conversation. He'll get up late, so Gibbs is almost late, so he has to yell at him to get ready, and won't have time to talk.

Tony allowed a small smile to grace his lips. That's a good plan.

"You can't feign sleep that well, can you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs voice called from the kitchen.

Tony let out another groan.

"That's not an answer, DiNozzo."

"Sorry, boss, and apparently not." Tony cringed as the lights around him were turned on.

"Rise and shine. You hungry?" Gibbs inquired in a soft voice close to Tony's face.

Tony then began to open his eyes. There was Gibbs next to his "bed" looking right at him. Tony relished moments like this. Gibbs was wearing sweats and looked like he as well, had just awoken. He loved how it felt so natural to be allowed to see Gibbs like this. All domestic-looking.

"That's fine, boss. I'm just going to go back to my apartment and get ready for work." Tony looked away awkwardly.

"How?"

Tony paused. Oh, yeah…he walked to Gibbs apartment.

"Uh…well, first, I'll walk over to the bar and get my car and…keys."

"DiNozzo, we are going to talk." And with that Gibbs moved Tony's legs off the couch and sat down beside him. He then opened his hand and revealed an aspirin which Tony gratefully took.

"Thanks, boss."

There was a brief silence in which Tony couldn't help but squirm under Gibbs harsh stare.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Tony suddenly felt annoyed. Of course, the obvious "Why didn't you…" questions are coming.

"Well, it's certainly not something that comes up in regular conversation. I mean, how do you bring up something like that? 'How are you?' 'Oh did I ever tell you about my bastard father? Yeah he beat me real good as a child.' I just doesn't make very good conversation, does it?"

Gibbs knew this was going to be difficult. Tony's not the kind of person to accept sympathy or even worse, pity. Gibbs decided it best to trap Tony later and interrogate him then.

"Well, we better get going or we'll be late. Come on, I'll drive." Gibbs then stood and began walking up his stairs. "Don't even try to leave, DiNozzo, you won't even make it out the door…I child-proofed it."

Tony couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle at that. At least Gibbs was ready to let things remain normal at work. Tony then made his way to Gibbs bathroom to take a shower and hopefully make himself look better than he felt.

The drive to the office was in silence, which Tony was eternally grateful for. He had never intended on telling anyone on his past, and now he was stupid enough to get drunk and tell his boss. Well, Tony knew that Gibbs was more than just a boss to him, he was more like a father than his actual father was.

When they arrived at the office McGee and Ziva were already there.

When McGee and Ziva saw Tony and Gibbs walking in together, they exchanged questioning looks but refrained from commenting.

Then, they noticed Tony's appearance. He looked just as much hungover as he was. Ziva smirked.

"Appears _someone_ partied too firm last night." Ziva said smugly.

Tony looked confused before he realized what she meant.

"It's _hard_, Ziva. Partied too hard." Tony couldn't help the grin that appeared on his face after correcting one of Ziva's English mistakes.

"Whatever. You know what I meant." Ziva replied exasperated.

Tony then sat down and attempted to get some work done, but his thoughts were racing. One repeating itself constantly.

This day just sucks doesn't it.


	3. Chapter 3: Flashbacks

**A/N: Next chappie! :3**

Later that day, the team got a new case.

A Petty Officer was found with a single shot through the head. It immediately screamed 'SUICIDE!' but they were required to investigate nonetheless.

They had the father in interrogation since he was the one who called it in. While Tony was watching the man in the observation room, McGee and Ziva came in and showed him a note. It was a suicide note the petty officer had written. In it, he wrote about the Navy and then of his father. He said that he was committing suicide because he realized he was as useless and a burden as his father always said.

Although the father was the reason for the man's death, they couldn't actually charge him for anything. This infuriated Tony.

_Eight-year old Tony sat on his bed dejectedly. His father was furious with him. Tony interrupted him in the middle of one of his business dinners. The only reason Tony went to him was because all of the servants were there and his mother fell down their stairs and was unconscious. She had been drinking (as usual) but now she lay at the bottom of the stairs with blood flowing from her head._

_DiNozzo Sr. had ordered one of the servants to call an ambulance but had continued with the dinner as if nothing happened. Tony had gotten furious and began screaming at his father to do something but his father just ordered him upstairs, where he said he will be 'disciplined'. _

_Young Tony didn't know what his father had planned for him, but knew enough to know that it wasn't going to be pleasant._

_Just then, his father burst through the door holding a bottle of whiskey._

"_You useless piece of shit! Your mother is __**dead**__, because of you!"_

_Tony had no idea she died. He just sat there in shock._

Tony was suddenly aware of two voices calling his name. Instead of answering, he just walking out of the observation room and into the interrogation room. If he couldn't arrest the man for murder, he would get him arrested for something else.

"Hello, Mr. Hyde – I mean, Hyland. It has been confirmed that your son has committed suicide. We just found the suicide note." Tony stated, face betraying nothing.

"Useless, bastard…always took the easy way out. I hope he rots in hell…" Hyland muttered angrily.

Tony was furious.

"Well, he was **certainly** a better person than you. Even in death he apologized for being a burden. It's not that he didn't deserve you, You **really **didn't deserve him. In fact, if I had to summarize you, I'd call you a heartless, self-serving, narcissistic bastard." Tony spoke cheerfully and finished talking with a wide grin on his face.

Ziva and McGee didn't have time to react before Hyland was out of his chair and pushing Tony against the glass separating the two rooms. Tony's grin just grew.

Hyland then pulled back and landed a punch squarely into Tony's stomach. Hyland continued landing blow after blow against Tony who oddly enough wasn't fighting back at all. He was flashing back to his father again…

"_Get OVER here!" His father roared._

_Young Tony scrambled to his feet and stopped directly in front of his father. _

"_Yes, father."_

"_You're supposed to call me, SIR!"_

_Tony's father then broke the whisky bottle on Tony's head and continued hitting him with the broken glass as he lay on the ground. Tony began shouting at his father to stop, only to be ignored. His father eventually did stop and Tony began struggling to get up, but his father just pushed him back down and began punching Tony's back until he could barely breathe._

"_Useless…" Tony's father muttered before he left, Tony laying half-unconscious on his bedroom floor, concussed, bleeding, and badly bruised._

Ziva and McGee burst into action. When they entered the interrogation room, Ziva grabbed Hyland and pinned him against the wall opposite where Tony was. McGee went over to Tony who now lay on the floor.

The second McGee touched Tony's shoulder to help him up, Tony flinched and slid away from him. McGee noticed his eyes looked eerily glazed over and he was staring into empty space.

"No…stop…please, father…" Tony was muttering frantically.

Ziva and McGee froze. _Father?_

NCISNCISNCIS

Gibbs walked into the bullpen to find everyone gone. He figured they must still be speaking to Hyland so he made his way down to the interrogation room. He was not prepared for what he saw. There was Tony laying beaten up on the floor and looking around frantically. It was when Gibbs heard Tony speak that he realized what was happening. He was having a flashback to when his father abused him.

**A/N: Next chapter: the rest find out or Tony and Gibbs have their talk?**

**Opinions?**


	4. Chapter 4: A Plan

**A/N: Probably won't post anything for a few days, have a HUGE project for school due Monday and I haven't started yet ;P Anyway, this is the next chapter. Enjoy!~**

Everyone, (except Tony who was still laying on the floor), was staring at Gibbs, waiting to see how he'd handle this.

Everything was still.

But, of course, that only lasted all of five seconds.

Then everything sped back up again.

Tony was whimpering even louder, McGee was helplessly and quite pathetically trying to explain what happened (while stuttering, pausing, and tripping over his words), and Ziva was shouting something at Hyland (who she still had pinned against a wall).

Gibbs sighed.

"Everyone get out! I'll handle Tony, you guys take Hyland and," He glanced back at Tony and noticed the bruising on his face. "get him charged for assaulting a federal agent."

Ziva and McGee each took one last look at Tony and then back at each other before quickly exiting the room.

Gibbs knew what was happening but wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Gibbs. He'd handled bombs, grieving widows, deranged serial killers, and fleeing suspects. But this. This wasn't as easy as those. To Gibbs, those stuff were his everyday activities. This was trying to come down his frightened Senior Field Agent as he was flashbacking to being beaten by his father.

Gibbs slowly began walking to Tony. He had an idea but he wasn't sure whether it would frighten Tony even more, or snap him out of it. Well, here goes…whatever this was going to be.

Gibbs crouched down in front of him and slowly raised his right hand. He noticed the way Tony flinched but Gibbs just continued to place his hand on the back of Tony's neck.

Tony visibly relaxed.

Gibbs knew that this small amount of contact was all Tony needed to know that he was wanted. This was Gibbs' way of showing his 'son' that he cared about him.

He has known for years that DiNozzo Senior had ignored and abandoned Tony many times as a child. He knew that Tony was starved of actual human contact with a loved one. That's why Gibbs headslapped him. That's why he does what he's doing now – gently rubbing the back of Tony's neck.

After a few minutes of silence, Tony chanced a look at his boss.

But, to Tony's surprise, he didn't see disgust, he didn't see annoyance, instead, he saw concern and kindness.

He had expected Gibbs to be pissed because Tony's past was now affecting his work. But, Gibbs was acting exactly as a father should. Understanding.

* * *

><p>Ziva and McGee were currently pacing the floor of Abby's lab. They had gone to the forensic scientist because they knew she was the best one to handle emotional problems within the team.<p>

From what they had witnessed they feel they understood _most _of the situation.

From what they gathered and from previous examples, they've concluded that not only was Tony's childhood an unhappy one, it was a _terrible _one.

They knew that Tony's father had ignored and abandoned Tony but to have _abused_ him as well.

"It's amazing he turned out how he did. As annoying as he is, he is a very kind and…compassionate man," Ziva paused. "I am…proud of him."

McGee and Abby just nodded their silent agreement.

"Okay, guys, as weird as this will probably sound coming from me, well maybe not completely weird, but definitely out of the ordinary, well maybe it's not that different but-"

"Abby!" Ziva and McGee both shouted to stop the goth's incessant ranting.

"Sorry, guys, I'm just really emotional right now and…anyway, I don't think we should say anything about it to Tony. He was in a vulnerable state when you guys heard him. I have a feeling that he doesn't what us to know, at least not yet. There's a possibility he'll open up to us eventually, but for now, we shouldn't mention it around him." Abby finished confidently and was staring them down as if daring them to disagree.

"I agree. This time must be stressful enough for him, why should we make it that much worse but peppering him with unnecessary questions." McGee added.

"I agree, as well. Though I am not sure what spices have to do with asking questions. _Damn, American idioms._" She added quietly, under her breath.

Abby smiled.

"So, it's settled. Commence: Plan 'We Don't Know What Happened'!"

* * *

><p>"Thanks, boss." The words were spoken quietly, in a whisper. Almost as if he thought that if he spoke too loudly that the moment would end. Gibbs just wrapped his arm around Tony's shoulders and gently pulled his head towards Gibbs' chest.<p>

"No problem, Tony."

Tony smiled. Gibbs almost never called Tony by his first name, but always seemed to know when he needed to.

Gibbs leaned down and whispered into Tony's right ear.

"We're gonna talk, okay? Tonight, my place, meet me there at 21:00. Don't be late."

Gibbs then slowly stood, knees popping after relinquishing his position. He winced. Sitting too long hurt now…

He then helped Tony to his feet and placed a steadying hand on Tony's shoulder when he swayed.

"Thanks, boss."

Tony spoke the words with such sincerity; Gibbs knew it wasn't just for catching him.

He was thanking him for everything that happened the past few days. For helping him while drunk, for listening to him tell his tale, for snapping him out of his horrible flashback, saving him from an awkward conversation with Ziva and McGee, and most of all_ caring_. For actually _caring_ about whether or not Tony was okay, whether he was emotionally and physically fine. Not just abandoning him like everyone in Tony's life seemed to do.

Tony's words echoed off the walls and Gibbs just allowed a small smile to play across his face. An unspoken response.

_You're welcome._

**A/N: How was that? Comments? Criticisim? Suggestions? Anything? Please review, they are the highlight of my days and mean a LOT to me! I hope you're excited for the next chapter :3**


	5. Chapter 5: Thoughts

**A/N: Sorry this took a while but my project kept me up for like 48 hours straight and then he to actually sleep…so yeah this is just a little Thanksgiving present.**

"But, boss!"

"No 'buts', DiNozzo. You are hurt, you need to go to Ducky. Now go."

Tony pouted as Gibbs gently pushed him towards the elevators.

"And if you even _think _of lying to me about going, I'll have your ass doing paperwork for the next two months. _As a precaution_, of course."

Tony sighed as he walked into the elevator and pressed the number for Autopsy. I mean, what was he supposed to tell him? He sure as _hell _wasn't going to open his heart to the guy. Not now. Not after what just happened, anyway.

* * *

><p>As the elevator doors opened, he was preparing for the worst but instead he saw his favorite goth speaking with Ducky.<p>

"…be here soon, cuz you know Gibbs, he'll probably order Tony down here and-"

"Hello, Anthony." Ducky greeted. "Oh my, Abby was right you do look terrible. Well, come here. Let's take a look at you."

Tony looked over at Abby and mouthed the words "thank you". Abby smiled back gently and nodded before going to the elevators.

Tony stayed quiet throughout Ducky's gentle ministrations but eventually he broke the silence.

"Duck…I'm sorry, but…I don't think I'm ready to talk about…what happened or, what happened back then."

"That's quite alright, Anthony. I understand. It's a natural response. No one wants to talk about traumatic events, but if I may, I suggest that you do talk to _someone_. It really does help."

"He's got me, Duck."

Tony jumped slightly as he heard Gibbs' voice. He attempted to pull his shirt back on, before Gibbs could see the bruising but ended up failing miserably.

As Gibbs walked up to them he addressed Ducky.

"He cleared, Duck?"

"Ah, hello, Jethro. And yes, he is mostly fine. There don't appear to be any internal injuries, so he should just take it a little easier the next few weeks. Well, as much as he can."

* * *

><p>As Tony and Gibbs left Autopsy and entered the elevator Gibbs turned to Tony.<p>

"You're sure you're fine?"

"Yeah, boss…I think Ducky was right. Talking about it might help…maybe…"

Gibbs smirked.

"Let's hope it does."

The elevator doors dinged open and the two Special Agents walked to their desks to gather their stuff.

McGee and Ziva noticed this and decided to pack up their own stuff.

"Good night, boss." "Night, Gibbs." They said as they left the bullpen.

Gibbs checked his watch: 8:00.

"You should go back to your place before coming to mine. I'll be there." Gibbs told Tony before walking out of the bullpen himself.

Tony sighed. It's been one hell of a day. He had about 25 minutes before he had to leave to make it to Gibbs' in time.

He looked at his hands. They were still shaking from this afternoon. He could still feel his father's hands—no it was the other guy's…right? Hyland's?

Now they were mixing. He could feel the pain from his father. The pain from Hyland.

He needed to stop remembering. He knew it was a bad idea but he needed the alcohol. Even if the alcohol made him a lot more talkative about subjects he'd usually stay away from, he needed it. It wasn't quite an addiction; it was more of a safety harness.

It helped him stay alive, it protected him. It kept him from falling into nothingness and losing himself. It sounded crazy to rely on alcohol and compare it to something keeping you grounded, since it made you act…differently.

But still…he couldn't help but crave it at times like these. When he was reminded of things best forgotten; when he felt…alone. He knew that he wasn't, he had Ducky, Abby, Ziva, McGee, and Gibbs, but sometimes he felt so incredibly alone that it was overwhelming.

It made him do irrational things. Like when he went to Gibbs' place; drunk. He knew he shouldn't have gotten drunk that night, but as always, he ignored his better judgment and did it anyway. He should have known that one day he'd do something he'd regret when he was sober again.

By the time he'd finally calmed down it was 8:30. Shit! He was going to be late and Gibbs was going to kill him.

He hastily packed his things and basically ran to the elevator.

When he got to his apartment, he jogged to his bedroom took off his suit and quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a grey sweatshirt. On his way out a certain clear bottle caught his eye.

It was a bottle of vodka.

He knew he shouldn't; really shouldn't. But the temptation proved too much, he grabbed the bottle and put it in his backpack. He could always lock himself in his car after he was done talking with Gibbs. Hopefully then, he wouldn't do anything he regretted.

He just hoped he didn't give into the temptation while _at _Gibbs' place.

Tony sighed as he left his apartment. This night isn't going to be pretty.

* * *

><p>Gibbs was sitting in his boat waiting for Tony.<p>

He was already 15 minutes late and Gibbs just hoped he didn't do anything stupid.

Maybe he should have driven Tony here himself. He wasn't quite sure Tony was together enough to drive, let alone drive knowing that when he reached his destination he may have to relive some painful events again.

He decided it would be best to just rely on his Senior Field Agent. I mean, seriously, he's a grown man, and a damn good agent he should be able to power through this.

He believed in Tony to be strong and clear headed in the most emotionally and physically stressful situations. He just needed to back him up. They always had each other's six, now, he needed to have Tony's. He wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation, but he figured that he would read how Tony was feeling and give him what he needed.

He would assist Tony any way he needed. He didn't know what this _exact_ situation was like, but he knew ways to handle traumatic events (more specifically how _not_ to). He would also look for signs that Tony was handling this wrong, self-inflicted injuries, drugs, alcohol, etc. He knew Tony wasn't one to admit that he needed help so he would have to look for the signs.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Gibbs began walking up the stairs.

_Show time._

**A/N: So yeah, not the 'The Talk' chapter, but the pre-talk chapter… Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I wanted to go more into what the two were thinking about these things. Well, Happy Thanksgiving! Will probably update soon (hopefully).**


	6. Chapter 6: The Talk

**A/N: The much awaited (kinda) chapter with Tony and Gibbs 'Talk'. Hope it turned out okay! ENJOY!~**

Gibbs quickly opened his front door allowing Tony into his home (even though it was never locked in the first place). As Tony cautiously walked into the room, Gibbs took the opportunity to examine and read his body language and behavior.

Tony was walking with his shoulders slumped (who wouldn't when knowing what's awaiting them), and his backpack was slung carelessly over his left shoulder—_why did he have his backpack with him?_

"What's with the backpack?" Gibbs inquired bursting the SFA out of his own thought process.

"Huh?" Tony had forgotten how strange it would be for him to walk into Gibbs' place with a backpack. Dammit, he should have left it in his car.

Gibbs was curious. He knew that he had to watch out for strange behavior from Tony and this proved strange. It was obvious Tony had changed into something more comfortable so why hadn't he left his backpack at his apartment?

"Oh, uh, I must have forgotten," He knew it was a lame excuse but other choice did he have? If he waited too long Gibbs would get even more suspicious. "I'll just go put it in my car."

Tony attempted to walk out the door, but Gibbs simply stepped in front of it and stuck his hand out in a 'give it to me, now' gesture.

Tony sighed, he didn't see a way out of this. He couldn't disobey and order, verbal or non-verbal. He was always loyal to Gibbs. He obediently, albeit reluctantly, handed Gibbs his backpack.

The older man kept his eyes trained on Tony's the entire time – not quite in a glare, but with a look that showed his suspicion.

It was only when the backpack was tentatively placed in his outstretched hand that he allowed his eyes to fall to said backpack.

He slowly unzipped his contents, praying to god there weren't drugs in there. What he saw made him sigh disapprovingly but not enough so to annoy Tony anymore than he already was. The bottle of vodka was gingerly lifted from out of the bag and held in by the tips of his fingers as he raised his glance back to Tony's eyes and raised both eyebrows.

Tony squirmed uncomfortably. He figured that Gibbs would find out eventually, he just hoped it wouldn't have been this soon. Knowing he was found out already, he figured he might as well attempt to explain why he brought it, although he suspected Gibbs already knew.

"Gibbs, I'm not addicted. It just…" Tony paused searching. "…helps. I know it can be addicting, hell I know that better than most, but I'm just using it as something to keep me grounded." The last few words came out as whisper as he averted his eyes from Gibbs, face beginning to flush with embarrassment.

Gibbs knew that Tony was going to be hard to get through to, and that helping him with his 'not addiction' to alcohol would be difficult, but he was determined to try. Hell, he had a similar addiction to alcohol after Shannon and Kelly—

He didn't want to go there. This night was about Tony – not him. Or them.

Gibbs took a deep breath to calm himself before gently placing a hand on Tony's shoulder, causing the younger man to look back at Gibbs questioningly. Gibbs just turned Tony around – gently – before beginning to lead him down the stairs into the basement. As they walked down the steps, Gibbs kept a hand on the small of Tony's back in a silent gesture telling Tony that he's here for him.

For his part, Tony just allowed himself to be guided to the basement. The hand remaining on his back gave him a small confidence about the evening that he hadn't had before. Gibbs was here. He was safe now. We he started walking down the steps, he couldn't suppress the wince as the motion jarred his earlier injuries.

The wince did not go unnoticed by Gibbs. Hadn't Tony taken his pain medication?

"Did you take your pain medication?"

Tony should have known that even a slight wince would not go unnoticed by the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

"They don't mix too well with alcohol. Trust me, I have a great amount of experience in both areas _as well as_ combined – and it is not pretty." Tony tried to joke it off in an attempt to end the discussion, and luckily Gibbs was feeling generous so he accepted the answer…for now.

The pair reached the basement and Gibbs took a seat on one of the stools near his boat and motioned for Tony to take one next to it. When they were both seated, Gibbs began.

"Tony…" How does one go about a conversation like this? "I guess you can start by telling me about your flashback earlier today."

Tony knew that Gibbs would want answers so he put his mask in place and tried to explain it in an objective way. _It's just another case._

Gibbs could tell the second Tony's mask went on. His eyes hardened, replacing the gentle yet vulnerable they were just in, and his mouth changed from an almost pout to a neutral, investigative form.

"Well…I guess when Hyland attacked me – which was my plan by the way, I mean, we had to get the guy for _something_ – anyway, I guess it reminded me of," Tony swallowed his next words sounding forced. "_my father_. I flashed back to the first time he…you know…" Tony cleared his throat loudly. "It was after my mother died…well, I was the one who found her. She was laying in a small puddle of her blood coming from her head. She had been drinking, as always, but being eight I knew she was either dead or dying.

"So, I went to my father. He was in a business dinner, as usual, but I interrupted anyway. I knew it was a bad idea…he was always telling me there would be '_severe repercussions_' if I interrupted one, but I was eight! I didn't know what the hell 'repercussions' meant yet! I'd just assumed it meant something bad and didn't bother him.

"That day, though, I could sense the urgency of the situation and I went in and told him. All he did was tell a servant to call for an ambulance and told me to go back to my room to wait to be," Tony visibly shuddered. "_disciplined_. And, the selfish _bastard_, just continued with the fucking dinner as if nothing happened! The guy didn't give a fuck that his wife was dying or that I was now scarred for life! All he cared about was who he could con more money out of!"

Tony could feel his hands shaking so he hastily opened his backpack (which had thrown on the floor next to him when he sat down) and took out the vodka. He didn't bother grabbing a glass, he just opened it and took a large swig. He motioned to Gibbs if he wanted some, but Gibbs just nodded his head at the bottle of bourbon sitting on the table beside him.

Gibbs knew that Tony needed the alcohol right now. He knew that speaking of traumatic events could be even more scarring at first than helpful.

Gibbs just patiently waited for Tony to gather himself before continuing.

Tony took a deep breath to ready himself.

"When my father finally came to my room he just burst in and began calling me useless. He said my mother died _because of me._" Tony couldn't help the strangled noise that came out of his throat as he attempted to hold back the tears threatening to overflow. "That is _not_ how you tell an eight year old that their mother just died!"

"He then just knocked me over the head with his whiskey bottle and kept beating me until he got bored. He then just left me – half-unconscious, concussed, bleeding, bruised, and with a few broken bones."

Gibbs could tell that Tony was trying desperately to keep it together in fear of being thought of as weak. Gibbs just repeated his actions from earlier. He placed a hand on the back of Tony's neck and gently pulled Tony's head to his chest.

To his surprise, and relief, Tony didn't attempt to get out of his hold or resist. He just let himself be lowered into his boss' chest.

"It's okay to cry, Tony. It doesn't make you weak." Gibbs whispered to Tony.

It was as if a dam had burst. The next thing he knew, Tony's arms were around Gibbs' waist and Gibbs' around Tony's shoulders. Then Tony was crying. His sobs were heart-breaking. They were over 25 years of emotion finally being allowed to be released. It pained Gibbs to hear Tony – his _son_ – cry, but he knew that Tony needed it. He needed the release.

He had spent too many years drowning his emotions in alcohol that he never gave himself time to release any emotion of the grieving process. After a few minutes, Gibbs heard something that made his heart ache even more for the man he considered a son.

"_Why?_" Tony choked out as his sobs gradually began to subside.

Gibbs knew exactly what to say that would make both of them feel better and lighten the mood a bit.

"You said it earlier: he's a selfish _bastard._"

To Gibbs relief, Tony let out a small chuckle. Gibbs knew then that Tony would be okay. He always believed he would – but now he _knew_. Tony was going to allow himself to heal and Gibbs silently promised him that he would be there with him, every step of the way.

After a few more minutes of comfortably silence between the two as Tony gathered himself once again, Gibbs guided Tony back into a more natural sitting position. When Tony spoke, Gibbs could tell that letting his emotions out had taken a lot out of him.

"Mind if I crash here tonight?" Tony looked up, hopeful.

Gibbs smiled gently. "Sure."

Tony slowly picked his backpack off the ground and his bottle of vodka off the table. He then walked up the two flights of stairs and into the guest bedroom. He quickly placed the vodka on the nightstand and slipped into the bed. He knew that if he had more nightmares that night, that he'd want the alcohol to help lull him back to sleep.

He knew that tonight was stressful and kind of embarrassing, but he couldn't help the small part of him that seemed more relaxed after _finally_ opening up to someone about part of his past. Even though he only told Gibbs about one of the times, it seemed to be enough for now. He felt relaxed as he gradually fell asleep.

**A/N: How was that? I FINALLY wrote about their talk and I am actually pleased with how it turned out. How about you guys? Do you think this was a) okay; b) horrible; c)OTHER.**

**Reviews are more valuable than GOLD!**


	7. Chapter 7: Medication or Not?

**A/N: Sorry it took a while to update I was really busy recently and haven't gotten much sleep…Well, here's the chapter!~**

Tony woke up several times during the night, covered in sweat from his latest nightmare, and each time: Gibbs was there beside him.

Tony didn't know when Gibbs first came in to watch over him, but he knew he'd been there for all the times he woke up. He even suspected that Gibbs had come and ended his nightmare a few times.

Tony at first was embarrassed by his boss witnessing him crying and during the worst nightmares – shouting out; terrified. Then he began to realize part of what Gibbs was doing.

He noticed it the first time he awoke in the night. He had immediately reached for the bottle of vodka he had placed beside him, but his hand just hit solid wood. He then opened his eyes and saw the bottle was gone and instead, Gibbs was there.

He had at first been annoyed but after a few seconds he realized what Gibbs was doing.

Gibbs was trying to stop Tony from relying on alcohol for his emotional problems, and to speak to him instead.

The first few times he had just turned over and pretended to be asleep and eventually did fall asleep.

The last time, which was the worst, he had awoken with Gibbs' arms around him. Instead of pushing him away, embarrassed, he had wrapped his arms around Gibbs and just laid there holding Gibbs and letting Gibbs hold him.

Tony actually fell asleep into a blessed, dreamless sleep after that.

Tony awoke the next morning to his phone's alarm blaring in his ear. He fumbled for his phone and found it next to his pillow.

"I wonder how _that_ got there." Tony mumbled bitterly.

"Hey, watch your tone, DiNozzo."

Tony jumped a little when he saw Gibbs smirking in the doorway.

"Oh…uh, didn't see ya there, boss…" Tony flushed slightly.

Gibbs' smirk just turned into a small smile as he chuckled and left.

Tony sighed.

He was still exhausted, both mentally and physically.

He was never one to admit to injuries or weaknesses, but (to himself at least) he did at least acknowledge how shitty he felt now.

He couldn't prevent the groan he emitted as he stood up. His head felt as if there was a tiny marching band with machine guns shooting his skull to an _annoyingly catchy_ rhythm.

He knew he looked terrible and he silently hoped that wouldn't have a case today. He was _not _in the mood to be in any vehicle with either Gibbs or Ziva behind the wheel. He knew he'd vomit about all the food he'd eaten in the past few days. Which wasn't much, actually.

Since he showed up drunk at Gibbs' that night, he hadn't had much of an appetite.

_I wonder why?_ Tony thought sarcastically.

Tony then made his way to the kitchen and he was overwhelmed with the smell of coffee and…toast?

Oh god.

Tony felt his stomach flip unpleasantly at the thought of trying to eat something – _anything_.

Gibbs looked at him knowingly and handed Tony a glass of water and his pain medication from Ducky.

"Duck, says that if you don't take them this time that he'll sedate you instead."

Tony smiled wryly. He hated taking painkillers. They made him act…more immature than he usually did, and that's saying something. When he was on painkillers…he couldn't control how he acted. Basically, what ever frame of mind, or mask he was wearing, if you will, would be multiplied out of proportion.

Knowing this, he knew that if he took it now, he'd be acting super depressed and quiet. That would require answering the questions of his very curious teammates.

He didn't feel like answering anyone's questions today, let alone his friend's questions that tried to pry every – last – detail out of him.

Gibbs watched as Tony hesitantly picked up the pill and popped it in his mouth, leaning his head back as he did so.

Tony very discreetly, had just tapped the pill against his teeth to make the noise actually throwing it back would make, and had leaned his head back the way he had seen a certain doctor do almost every episode of his show. Tony then hid the pill in his palm and stuffed his hands in his pockets, gently dropping the pill in his right pocket for later.

Tony laughed. "I feel just like Dr. House from House M.D., you know, the Vicodin-addicted yet brilliant diagnostician who's always popping back pills…" Tony trailed off with a goofy grin on his face, pretending to be entering a drug-induced state.

Tony was actually finishing his sentence in his head: "I just pulled a variation of House's technique in season 8's first episode 'Twenty Vicodin' where he pretended to swallow the Vicodin but gave it to his inmate instead."

Tony then grabbed the glass of water and drank it all in one big sip. He sighed appreciatively as he set the glass down.

"'K, boss, I'm gonna get goin' see ya at work." Tony turned around and began walking to Gibbs' front door when said boss' hand to the back of his head stopped him.

"I can't let you drive under the influence of painkillers, DiNozzo. I'm driving." Gibbs smiled as he shook his keys playfully in front of Tony's face and Tony's smile dropped.

When Tony and Gibbs made to NCIS, Tony felt as if his whole stomach was trying to exit his body through his throat at the same time.

Gibbs seemed to notice his discomfort so he silently offered Tony a hand out of the car.

Tony genuinely smiled.

He knew that a lot of people will offer you a hand out of a car if you don't look well, but it made him happy nonetheless. Gibbs was acting like a father caring for his son.

Tony would (probably) never admit it out loud, but he really did see Gibbs as a father. He didn't think Gibbs would ever consider him as a sort-of son, but he was content thinking of Gibbs as a father figure.

Tony accepted Gibbs' offered hand and followed Gibbs into the building with a smile on his face.

After a few seconds of standing in the elevator, Gibbs pulled the emergency stop and turned to face Tony. At Tony's raised eyebrow, Gibbs elaborated.

"I'm not stupid, DiNozzo, I _know_ you didn't take your medication."

Tony sighed. He should have known he couldn't pull one over on Gibbs.

"Fine." Tony then _actually_ swallowed the painkiller.

Gibbs indicated for Tony to show him his hands which Tony promptly did (after rolling his eyes, of couse).

Gibbs then nodded and started the elevator back up again.

Tony didn't realize how late they were until he walked into the bullpen and saw Ziva and McGee's heads shoot up and stare questioningly at the two agents who happened to arrive at the same time.

Tony just smiled as the effect of the drugs began to take hold of him.

"'ey guys," Tony giggled. "how was yoooour night?"

After Tony spoke, the two questioning looks changed from two to one as Ziva remembered a similar version of Tony. When he was high.

Ziva laughed a little and a few seconds later McGee remembered, too. They both exchanged glances then looked back to Tony as they watched in amusement as Tony attempted to unlock his desk drawer.

Ziva spoke, "Tony, you are aware that you lock that drawer, correct?"

Tony looked up at her in confusion and then grinned.

"Oh, yeah…aha!" Tony pulled out a key from his pocket and opened the drawer.

Suddenly, he forgot why he wanted to open that drawer in the first place. He just shrugged and started turning on his computer.

Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he was aware of how annoying and long this day would turn out to be…

TBC

**A/N: How was that? And okay, maybe I am just writing this (and probably the next) chapter because I find drugged/high!Tony SOFRICKINADORABLE…**


	8. Chapter 8: Maybe

**A/N: Here's the next chapter…not much to say here :/**

It took Tony a few minutes to get off the initial high where he was always happy, onto the regular high where he amplified his previous state-of-mind or emotion at the time.

The change was almost instantaneous. One second he was grinning goofily, then his face fell and he was looking more depressed than he'd ever allowed his teammates, except Gibbs, to see.

It had been years since he had felt this depressed. He knew that the painkillers were affecting his current emotional state, but honestly, he had been feeling this for a while. The only difference being, he had repressed it and refused to admit it to even himself. The fact that his mask was once again, completely gone (for the time being) made things even worse.

During the worst days, he'd usually overly compensate his fake emotions and actions: happy-go-lucky frat boy. But now – now his defenses were shut down. What he would give to just take a day off right now. Gibbs would never allow that, though. He'd probably go all 'Papa-Bear Gibbs' on him…

Ziva glanced up at Tony. When he first came in, he had been all 'overly-happy' and she hadn't heard him say anything in a few minutes or even just randomly giggle over some supposedly interesting object. When she looked up she was shocked into silence. He looked…sad, to put it simply. She didn't know if she had ever seen him appear so…broken.

For all the years that she's known Tony, she'd expected that he wasn't _just_ the frat boy, womanizer he portrayed. She realized now that she was probably right. And this was it.

The real Tony DiNozzo.

She had thought that his true nature would be calm and collected – but still happy – or maybe just indifferent, even. But depressed? She wouldn't have guessed that. Sure, at the end of some days or cases he seemed a little quieter and withdrawn, but never outright depressed.

He also looked vulnerable. Not weak, but emotionally vulnerable. She supposed that without his emotional buffer that he seemed more unstable and uncontrolled emotionally.

She abruptly stopped her musings and decided she should be working…working…they had no active cases right now so she had to work cold cases…great.

McGee looked over at Tony. He seemed depressed. Tony? _Depressed?_ For some reason he had thought that was basically impossible. He had thought of Tony as one of the happier members of NCIS.

Tony seemed more open right now…it was strange to be able to look at Tony's face and actually read his emotions. To know how he was feeling and how strong that emotion was – how serious the situation was.

Usually one someone looked at Tony DiNozzo, they saw a handsome, smiling face looking back at them. McGee suspected that what they normally saw was just a front. Just one big deflection. He spent every day he was at work hiding behind a persona that he wanted others to see. Not the actual person he was sometimes. Not the man that looked so broken right now.

McGee sighed as he turned back to his computer. He hoped Tony knew that they were all willing to help him. Whatever was bothering him – they would do their best to fix.

Tony had been lost in his musings and was jarred out of them by the ringing of his cell phone.

Caller ID: Jimmy Palmer [Gremlin]

Tony closed his eyes and breathed out. He couldn't give away anything to Palmer about what he was feeling right now. Palmer was his friend, his confidante. Palmer would be able to tell something was wrong with him by the tone of his voice.

"Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo." Tony answered in what he hoped was a cheerful tone.

Palmer was surprised at Tony's voice, it sounded forced. Palmer shook his head disapprovingly, Tony should know better by now than to try to fool him.

"Tony, I was just calling to ask why you didn't show up at the bar last night _and_ why you didn't answer your phone when I tried calling you – home and cell. We go to the bar every week, I was just concerned something was wrong." Palmer rambled slightly. _Damn, nervous habits…_

"Oh…uh…well, I guess I just forgot…sorry…how 'bout tonight instead? To make up for it." Tony added quickly.

Palmer could tell that the faux happy personality was wearing thin and was ready to get to the bottom of it.

"Hey, Tony, would you mind coming down to Autopsy for a few minutes so we can talk?" Palmer tried to speak normally but was getting nervous because of Tony's recent behavior.

"Uh, sure, be right there…"

Tony stood and started to walk out of the bullpen when he heard his boss' voice.

"DiNozzo," Tony turned. "where are you going?" Gibbs questioned.

"Just to Autopsy. Palmer needs me for something…" Tony added as he made his way to the elevator.

When Tony arrived at Autopsy, he was feeling even more down. He wanted to just curl up in a little ball in the corner of the room and fall asleep for a few hours.

When he stepped through the sliding doors, Palmer's anxious face looked up from the file he was holding and he began walking towards Tony.

"Tony, are you okay?" Palmer blurted out unceremoniously.

Tony looked into his friend's kind eyes and saw genuine concern. He was surprised that anyone was concerned about him.

_Palmer was his closest friend_ (Gibbs doesn't count), Tony thought, _maybe I can tell him…I know I can trust him. Palmer is like a brother to me. He deserves to know._

"…no…" Tony whispered.

Palmer was surprised that Tony admitted that. Tony was never one to admit to any kind of weakness, knowing this, Palmer was even more alarmed by Tony's response. But waited for Tony to continue on his own, it was obvious that this was a sensitive subject right now.

"I…Palmer," Tony sighed. "I need to tell you something. About my childhood…

"I didn't exactly have a happy childhood, as you may have already guessed, but it was worse than just the stories I've told you and the team – hell, I haven't even told Abby…but…well, you know that my father was less than a kind man. He was probably worse than you thought, though…" Tony took a deep, shuddering breath and then a slightly creepy, sarcastic chuckle.

"Guess I probably deserved it, though. I was a smart-mouthed little bastard…I probably needed to be taught a lesson…I needed to be _punished_." Tony choked out the last word and his eyes dropped to the floor below him.

Palmer stood in shock. He had his suspicions about Tony being abused emotionally, with abandonment mainly, but by the way Tony was talking the abuse had been physical as well. Palmer was surprised to say the least, but was determined to help Tony through this. He had to be strong for Tony.

"Tony, you didn't deserve anything your father did to you. All kids make mistakes, all people have flaws. Your father was just a bastard for trying to change you through physical violence. _None of this is your fault, Tony._"

Tony just nodded his head slightly in response.

"H-have you told anyone else?" Palmer inquired after a few minutes of reflective silence.

"Just Gibbs…but, I think Ducky knows – has for a while, but was confirmed from what he just overheard." Tony turned around as he finished and smiled grimly at Ducky who had walked in around the beginning of Tony's explanation.

"I'm sorry, Anthony, I walked in to and saw you two talking and when I heard what it was about, I couldn't stop you nor could I leave. My apologies, Anthony, I didn't mean to invade your privacy in such a way." Ducky hastily apologized.

"It's fine, Duck. It's better you found out know anyway. That's one less person I'm eventually going to have to explain it to." Tony quickly retreated out the doors and into the elevator again.

He was barely thinking as he pressed the Emergency Stop and slowly sank to the floor, bringing his knees into his chest. Maybe it was the drugs, but he didn't think he had enough strength to stand again. The drugs did little to lessen the emotional pain he was feeling now.

He felt something wet on his face and reached up his hand and found that he was crying. How pathetic. He couldn't even _talk_ about it now without crying.

After another minute of sitting in silence, Tony flipped off the Emergency Stop and hit the button for the floor that held one of his closest friends.

When the elevator stopped, Tony took a deep breath before walking out. His ears were bombarded with loud music coming from the speakers. He immediately went over and turned it off.

"Hey! Tony, why'd you do that? What are you doing here anyway? Not that I mind you here, I love it when you visit, but you don't have a case right now do you? Tony answer-" Abby's rambling was abruptly cut off when Tony turned around and she saw the tear tracks on his face and the fresh tears filling his eyes.

"What's wrong?" She questioned softly, now overly worried.

Tony didn't trust his voice at the moment so he just walked over to her and hugged her.

She could feel his tense muscles and immediately guess the issue.

"Father?" She whispered.

Tony just nodded in response.

Abby tightened the hug and felt a few tears of her own forming. She had always hated DiNozzo, Sr. for all the things that he'd done to Tony, all the emotional strain he put on him, but she sensed something bigger here.

She felt Tony take a deep breath before he pulled back slightly and explained the same thing he did to Palmer and Ducky.

When he finished, Abby was quietly crying into his shoulder and he found himself crying again as well.

As Tony left the lab, he actually a felt a little happier. Maybe it was the drugs talking, but he felt as if the weight he'd been carrying all these years, was slowly lessening. He figured that meant that if he told Ziva and McGee that he'd feel even better.

As Tony rode the elevator back up to the bullpen, he felt a renewed confidence. He felt like maybe things would be better after this. Maybe…

**A/N: Okay, I feel like I haven't been updating my fanfics enough so in the next few days I will hopefully be able to update my 4 most current fics (Masks Dropped, We Lost a Dream We Never Had, For Her, and Maybe a Little…) Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter and I look forward to your feedback, they make writing more fun and enjoyable. They make me actually feel happy about something while I'm depressed…too much information O.o …anyway, please review!**


	9. Chapter 9: Injuries x2

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to update (did it? I lost track of when I last updated...) Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's mainly a thought chapter but has some plot-ish stuff in it...Enjoy!~ :3**

The elevator rang announcing its arrival at his floor. Tony looked up abruptly, having been lost in his thoughts.

When he exited the elevator he headed straight to the men's bathroom. He knew he probably looked like shit and wanted to at least attempt to regain composure before entering the bullpen.

As soon as he entered the bathroom, he checked the stalls and the urinals and found that he was – thankfully – alone. He slowly walked over to the sinks and lifted his head to see his face.

His eyes were still a little red and his face was still slightly stained from the tears. He sighed in frustration as he turned on the sink and began lightly splashing the water in his face. Tony walked over to the paper towel dispenser and tore off a piece to wipe his face with. After he threw away the paper towel he allowed himself to relax.

He leaned against the side wall and slowly lowered himself so he was in a sitting position while propped up against the wall. He then just let his mind wander.

His father had always been a…touchy subject. He'd never speak much about the man. Sometimes, though, he never thought about what he said before he said it and would end up revealing something about his childhood. Like that one Halloween, he had told McGee about one of his Halloweens as a child. God, that one sucked. He actually basically said his father spanked him. Tony shuddered at the memory.

The worst part of that was, though, was that McGee just thought Tony's life had been perfect. He should know that just because your family is rich, doesn't mean you had a pleasant upbringing. Well, sure, some rich kids probably have easy-going, spoiled lifestyles in their youth. Tony, though. Well, he was disowned at twelve, the same year that he was sent to boarding school. He was also constantly physically and emotionally abused. Yeah, he sure had an easy childhood.

Ziva, McGee, and Kate used to make snarky comments about 'spoiled Tony' and 'poor rich kid' about him. He had to fight the urge to tell them of the actuality of his youth or to simply punch their friggin' faces in! Tony growled slightly. It took a few seconds for him to realize that he had just thought badly about Kate.

Again, he felt tears springing up in his eyes. _Kate_. Here he was basically drowning in self-pity and in the process he insulted Kate (kind of, anyway). Man, he was selfish. He couldn't help but think that everything possibly good in his life was constantly being destroyed. First, Kate was murdered right next to him. He had felt her blood spray across his face. He felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

Second, Jeanne. Jeanne Benoit. Tony had really liked Jeanne. He had thought that they were meant for each other. Most of the time he was with her, the fact that their how relationship was an undercover operation seemed to slip his mind. To him, their love was real. He hasn't stopped loving her either.

He realized that she was the first woman he had loved since Wendy. Oh, there's another thing he has lost over the years.

Finally, Jenny. He and Jenny were really getting close. They were good friends before…Tony willed the memories away. Not here, not now. He's broken down too many times in the past few days anyway. Also, Jeanne and Jenny were solely his fault anyway. He shouldn't get a chance to release. He shouldn't get the opportunity to relieve himself of some guilt. Any at all. Plus, he knew Gibbs blamed him for Jenny's death, too. Usually, when Gibbs thought something, he was right.

Tony sighed as he realized that he had just rid his face of evidence of his crying and now he's crying again.

As he moved to stand, he felt something press against his leg. He reached his hand into his pants' pocket and pulled out the bottle of painkillers. He quickly read the label and found that he had to take another one now. Great. He was even more depressed now than he was before. Well, maybe if he just skipped it this time then he could make it through the day without crying again. Man, he was pathetic. He'd cried more in the past few days than he can ever remember doing.

Tony slowly rose to his feet to begin his previous procedure to clean his face.

When he finished, he couldn't help but notice the pain from his injuries slowly but surely rising in intensity. Tony shrugged, which he immediately regretted because of the jolt of pain it caused. He figured that since he lasted the morning and night without painkillers that he could last another few days. The worst had to be over, right?

Tony jumped at the sound of someone entering the bathroom and his head hit the pointed (and _goddamn painful_) edge of the paper towel dispenser.

He bite back a cry in pain as his head exploded in pain. He hadn't told Ducky, but he figured that he had gotten a concussion along with his other injuries. His vision was temporarily doubled and he tried to focus on the face of whoever had just entered the bathroom.

The second his vision cleared, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He blinked a few times before realizing that he was seeing correctly and that Ziva _was_ in the men's bathroom…again.

"I thought you'd be here. Gibbs was looking for you, by the way. He looked pissed last time I saw him…" Ziva paused and quickly walked over so she was standing directly in front of Tony. "Is your head bleeding?"

"What?" Tony gently touched his head and when he brought his hand, sure enough, it had blood on it.

"Damn it." Tony muttered.

"You should probably go to see Ducky." Ziva advised.

"I'll be fine. Just go back and tell Gibbs that I'm fine and I'll be there soon. I'm just gonna clean up a bit." Ziva began to leave but Tony called after her. "Wait! Don't tell Gibbs about the," Tony pointed at his currently bleeding head. "yeah…just tell him I'm busy with something else. Say I'm…going to the bathroom or something…"

Ziva eyed him suspiciously. Tony elaborated, "I don't want to worry the 'bossman'. His hair is gray enough as it is." Tony grinned to try to lessen the tension residing in the room.

Ziva just nodded before quickly exiting the bathroom.

Tony let out a sigh of relief. Then readied himself for the task at hand. Should he tell Palmer? Ducky?

Tony wondered if it would be easier to tell Palmer and have _him_ help him. Or to just try to handle the situation himself.

Tony growled quietly.

When did his life become so complicated?

**A/N: Okay, yeah, cliche ending but hey, I tried, okay? Anyway, I hope everyone has a Happy Christmas (and yes, I say Happy there's nothing wrong with not being British and saying that . ) and I obviously have a life, writing fanfictions exactly an hour from Christmas -_- Anyway, Happy Christmas and I hope to update soon! **

**A/N 2: PLEASE REVIEW. It is GREATLY appreciated and adored and LOVED when I receive reviews. Anyway, I'd like to know how you like this chapter and if you have and questions, comments, critiques, advice, etc. Thanks!  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 10: Hiding Out

**A/N: I'm not really sure where I'm going with this anymore. I have a few ideas but I'm not exactly sure how to get to them so please, bear with me.**

Tony looked around the small bathroom and spotted the paper towel dispenser. He didn't exactly _like_ it right now but he didn't have much of a choice either. He ripped off a large piece of the paper towel and gently pressed it to the currently bleeding portion of his head.

He inhaled sharply at the pain the gentle action had caused.

_Damn._ He was now almost positive that he had a concussion as well as a gash God knows how large. He slowly straightened himself from his current slumped position leaning on the bathroom sink. He took a few tentative steps toward the door and was overwhelmed with nausea.

He immediately shut his eyes and tried to ease away the urge to vomit his guts out. He breathed in through his nose, out through his mouth. What the fuck was he doing, he had a concussion he wasn't having an anxiety attack!

He decided the best course of action would be to call someone and have them help him.

Tony pulled out his cell phone and dialed the familiar number.

* * *

><p>"Tony, I know you don't like doctors and you know that I'd never betray your trust, but I think you should get checked out."<p>

The forensic scientist quietly informed her injured friend who was currently laying on her futon in the back of her lab.

"You promised me, Abby. No doctors."

Abby pouted. She never broke promises to Tony. They were close friends and she didn't want to harm their friendship. She also knew that he was currently going through a difficult time and she didn't want to hurt him further.

"Fine. No doctors." She mumbled as she left.

She already had an idea forming.

* * *

><p>Tony lay on Abby's soft futon and was once again tempted to take a few painkillers he had in his pocket. He knew that he probably shouldn't but the pounding in his head refused to cease. He groaned as he slowly and carefully repositioned himself.<p>

He slowly began to drift into blissful unconsciousness. His last thought troubled him.

_Gibbs didn't know where he was, did he…_

* * *

><p>Abby bit her lip as she stared at the screen of her phone. She knew it was for Tony's health and she knew she was responsible to do so, but it still made her feel guilty.<p>

She quickly pressed the speed dial and her call was answered on the first ring.

"Gibbs."

* * *

><p>Gibbs was worri—<em>pissed<em>. He was passed worried now. He was pissed at Tony for not telling him where he was or where he was going. He had said that he was going to Autopsy and now he wasn't there. He had sent Ziva and McGee to find him and Ziva said she had seen him in the men's room. (Why _she_ checked there instead of McGee, Gibbs didn't know.) Gibbs had then received an email and was distracted for all of two minutes and when he went to the men's room to talk to Tony – he wasn't there anymore. What he _did_ find there troubled him, though.

He had seen fresh blood on the sink/counter.

He knew Tony was injured and he just hoped he wasn't hiding anything from him. It would be typical DiNozzo. Get a paper cut and whine about it for _hours_ to the annoyance of _everyone_. Then, break a bone, get badly bruised, visit the ER for any reason – not say anything about it to **anyone.**

Gibbs growled slightly. Damn, DiNozzo.

His ringtone suddenly began playing and he grabbed his phone and quickly flipped it open to answer it. _Please be, DiNozzo._

"Gibbs."

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter the next one will hopefully be a little longer. Anyway, as I was writing this I had a thought. I wonder what age people think I am through my writing. Often times, I am curious to the age of different authors I follow. I'm kind of curious as to how old people think I am. It would amuse me if people would tell me what they thought. :3 Anyway, enough ranting. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Please Review!**


	11. Chapter 11: Every Word

**A/N: Sorry I'm not updating sooner I got a one-shot up but I barely had time to post that, let alone write this chapter :/ I just had this humongous project due yesterday and I felt like I hadn't slept in like two weeks because of it. Anyway, I'm sure nobody's reading this anyway, so onto the story!**

"Gibbs."

"Hey, Gibbs, it's Abby. Um, you, uh might wanna come down here. Like now."

"Abbs-" Gibbs began exasperated at how busy things were.

"No, Gibbs. You don't understand, you like _need_ to come down here now."

Gibbs sighed. "Fine." Gibbs relented as he stormed over to the elevator.

When the elevator came back up he got in and immediately pressed the button for Abby's lab.

Gibbs was still pissed. He knew Tony was hiding something else from him and it made him pissed. Tony was his Senior Field Agent, he shouldn't be keeping serious injuries a secret from him. The fact that he had done so before didn't particularly make things better, either. Sure, it meant he knew to expect this kind of behavior from Tony, but the fact that he thought it better to lie to Gibbs than admit he was injured. He assumed it was probably something his father had _taught _(and he used that word extremely loosely) him.

Gibbs put his annoyed face back on as he exited the elevator to Abby's lab.

He walked in to see an oddly silent lab and even odder, a silent Abby. She turned around when she heard him enter the room (how did she hear him?).

Instead of speaking, she simply placed a finger to her lips telling Gibbs to be quiet and she pointed to the other room. Gibbs sighed as he walked over into the other room. His eyes widened at a sleeping DiNozzo in the middle of the room.

He noticed the dried blood on the back of his head and large bump it had caused or caused it. Gibbs sighed. He didn't want to wake him up when he looked so peaceful. Yet again, he had to get him checked out. Gibbs crouched down and gently shook the younger man. After a few seconds of this, he heard an annoyed groan. Gibbs smirked.

"Hey, Tony, get up." Gibbs' voice oddly soft.

Tony groaned again and mumbled something about 'five more minutes'. Gibbs shook him harder, careful of his head injury.

Tony opened his eyes and saw Gibbs' face staring down at him.

His eyes widened and he scrambled backwards slightly.

"Uh, hey, boss. I, uh, meant to tell you where I was, but I guess I kinda…forgot." Tony winced, awaiting, the usually inevitable headslap.

When none came he opened his eyes and saw Gibbs rubbing his hands over his face wearily. Tony realized that Gibbs had to have noticed his bleeding head wound – of course he wouldn't slap his head.

Tony slowly stood and stretched his back for a few seconds before extending a hand to help Gibbs up. Gibbs stubbornly waved his hand away and after a few seconds, stood as well. Gibbs looked Tony over once again and couldn't help but notice how young Tony looked with his hair mussed from sleeping. Gibbs shook his head to dispel his current train of thought, and reached over to Tony and grabbed his arm to lead him to Ducky.

* * *

><p>"Anthony, this could have been way worse than it was. You should have told us. Sadly, my dear boy, I'm going to have to advise you do go to the hospital. I <em>can<em> do the work needed myself, but it would probably be better for them to take care of it." Ducky finished decisively.

"Come on, Duck. You know me better than to think I'm actually going to go to the hospital." Tony retorted.

"You sure as hell are going to the hospital if he says so, DiNozzo."

Tony grimaced, Gibbs having came back from his coffee break just in time to hear Ducky's decision and Tony's attempt at evasion.

"Come on, boss. I'll be fine. I went the past few days without treating it and it was barely hurt more today. It's not like I'm gonna take any pain meds they give me," seeing the 'I-dare-you-to-try' look on Gibbs face, Tony added, "unless you tell me to, of course."

Gibbs smirked. "Well, I'm telling you to go the hospital and to take whatever they want you to. And if I have to sit there and babysit you myself, so be it. I'm not letting you sneak another injury by me." Gibbs' replied, annoyance about not being told blatantly obvious in his tone.

Tony sighed before hopping down from the autopsy table. Once they were both in the elevator, Tony asked, "Do I really have to go to the hospital, or were you just-"

"You're going." Gibbs replied, annoyed. Did DiNozzo really think that he would just let him work like this? Sometimes he worried about Tony's concern for his own well being. I mean, sure, he would make sure the whole damn world knew he had a tiny paper cut, but when it came to something serious, he didn't seem to care as much. At times like these, Gibbs got the urge to find DiNozzo Sr. and beat him to the edge of death and then shooting him in the head.

Sure, that sounded harsh. But he meant every word of it. Every. Word.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the parking garage, Gibbs remembered he needed to tell McGee and Ziva that he had found Tony. He pulled out his cell phone and quickly updated them on the situation. Once he was finished, he looked over to see Tony resting his forehead against the window of his car. His eyes were closed and Gibbs noticed the dark bags under his eyes. Gibbs sighed. He needed to help Tony more.<p>

He gently shook Tony's shoulder to wake him and then they both got into Gibbs' car as they drove to the hospital.

**A/N: Not sure if this is any good but I hope you liked it. Also, I know its short but I really have to go and this is all I have right now :/  
><strong>

**Anyway, since I haven't updated in a while I was wondering if there was a particular story (this one included) that anyone wanted a quicker update on. I'm honestly writing a lot of the time I get, but that times becoming less and less. It sucks :/ Anyway, please review! I love hearing your guys feedback!**


	12. Chapter 12: Palpable Awkwardness

**A/N: Sorry it took a little while to post…I've mainly been hand-writing fics (weird, right?) during school these days and never get to post them or update these…I'm gonna try to update more but I'm not sure how quickly.**

**Anyway here's the next chapter! :D**

"Do you really have to stay?" Tony asked, clearly exasperated.

Gibbs just smirked back at him. When they first arrived at the hospital, Tony had told Gibbs that he could leave. Out of curiosity, he had pretended to leave, only to wait for about ten minutes a few feet beside the hospital's doors. Sure enough, Tony had attempted to escape. Gibbs had just walked behind the younger man and grabbed his shoulder – effectively killing Tony's hopes. Gibbs had then forcibly dragged his Senior Field Agent back into the ER and forced him into one of the plastic waiting room chairs.

Now, even though the younger man was about to have a "strip search" per say (upon Gibbs' request), Gibbs refused to leave. He would have Tony thoroughly examined for any other injuries he had hidden. He didn't want to risk Tony trying to pull another fast one on him.

Gibbs smirked again. He could practically hear Tony's voice, "_ 'Pull a fast one?' Boss, I hate to break it to you – but that saying died around the same time Jimmy Stewart did."_

The doctor entered the room.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Stengel. I understand he has a concussion, a possible other head wound, and possibly extensive bruising on his chest, correct?" The young doctor began.

He was about 6'1" and had dark brown hair with a matching beard. His large glasses also stood out on his visage.

Gibbs just nodded in response and Tony just rolled his eyes at Gibbs' usual non-verbal response. He really is a functional mute. Dr. Stengel then asked Tony to take his clothes off so he could begin examining him. Tony felt himself blush slightly as he glanced over at his boss. Sure, they'd known each other for years and they'd seen each other in various states of clothed and not clothed. Nevertheless, it was never comfortable to strip in front of a coworker. Especially your boss.

Tony began by taking his shirt, jacket, and tie off, making sure to keep his left side out of Gibbs' sight. He had something there that he didn't want Gibbs to ever see. Not this soon after learning that much about his past already. It would be too much. Tony kept his eyes fixed on a spot right past the doctor's left ear. The awkwardness in the room was palpable. The three men were each looking around the small examination room, the only sound being that of Tony unbuckling his belt and then unzipping his pants.

Tony couldn't help but think about how awkward it always was in a bathroom or another silent room when you're unzipping something – anything (A binder, a suitcase, _your pants_) – and there is barely a sound except you unzipping the object. It was always just so awkward and made you that much more self-conscious about your actions.

Tony mentally sighed as he yanked down his pants and his boxers. He felt too exposed. He watched as the young doctor (thirty? thirty-five?) carefully poked and prodded at his bruises each in various shades of purple, a yellow-ish sickly, green, and a deep black-ish color. At times eliciting a hiss or sharp intake of breath from him.

For his part, Gibbs just leaned against the wall casually, is if his second-in-command wasn't completely naked and getting examined right in front of him. It was only when Gibbs heard the doctor make a noise expressing his curiosity, that Gibbs looked over to where the doctor was looking.

Tony watched as the doctor made his way to his left side and made a curious noise. Tony watched – eyes widening in panic – as Gibbs turned to look as well.

"What's that from?" Dr. Stengel asked, voice laced with curiosity.

Tony (very overtly) covered 'that' with his hands and was received with a raised eyebrow from both of the room's occupants for his reaction and for not answering the doctor's inquiry. Tony was just relieved that Gibbs didn't seem to have seen it.

"Well, DiNozzo?" Gibbs spoke impatiently.

It was painfully obvious Tony was hiding something. For having such amazing undercover skills and as Gibbs just learned recently, skills at hiding things from people close to him, when he messed up – he really messed up.

Gibbs sighed, annoyed, as he motioned for Tony to show him. Tony never disobeyed a direct order. Verbal or not. That was one of the reasons Gibbs was proud of Tony. Tony could stand up to the Director, SECNav, FBI Agents, etc. – yet he never disobeyed Gibbs unless it was to protect him. Tony seemed to sense whenever Gibbs was going to do something stupid or reckless.

Tony obediently complied and revealed what he was hiding. Gibbs' eyes widened and he immediately knew the cause of the mark.

Tony had a slightly star-shaped white scar marring his usually close to perfect tan skin. The way Tony looked away as he allowed Gibbs and Dr. Stengel to stare at it, confirmed the awful feeling in Gibbs' gut.

_His father_.

He couldn't tell how it happened. But he knew his father did this to him. It was the only logical explanation. If it were from football or a sport or any other thing in the world – Tony would have been quick to explain and probably joke about it. The way he was staring at the ceiling instead of Gibbs and the way he had hastily, albeit sloppily, attempted to cover it up. It made Gibbs feel sick. His mind going places he didn't want it to go.

_How many times had Tony lied about its origin? How many times had he covered it up as he was doing now?_

Gibbs' was snapped out of his musings by the doctor.

"Well," the doctor began, pausing to clear his throat, "you seem to have been correct. With your injuries, I mean. Um, Agent Gibbs will Agent DiNozzo be staying with you so he can be observed or will he be staying with someone else?"

Gibbs threw a smirk over at Tony before replying, "Oh, he'll be staying with me 'til he's a hundred percent again."

"Okay, well while Agent DiNozzo gets dressed I will talk to you about taking care of him." The two exited the room as Tony redressed. This day was horrible. He groaned. When did his quiet, lonely life become so complicated?

**A/N: Okay, whoever knows what tv show I got the doctor's name and appearance from gets free cookies. Anyway, I am looking for a beta and I don't know if there's some sign-up somewhere or something but if anyone wouldn't mind either explaining the beta sign-up to me, or volunteering to be my beta I would greatly appreciate it!**

**Anyway, I hope to update this and We Lost a Dream We Never Had soon!**

**Hoped you enjoyed this chapter! And PLEASE REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13: Locked Up

**A/N: READ THIS PLEASE!**

**Okay, a few things I need to say. 1) Yeah, doctors probably don't do full check things like that and especially not with another person in the room, but I'm not a doctor or anything and this is (obviously) all fiction, so in this world they can. 2) Kudos to Shannon Jethro Gibbs Snape and HannahlovinCM for guessing who the doctor was! :D (Barney's doppelganger from How I Met Your Mother)**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D**

Dr. Stengel led an annoyed Gibbs out into the hallway. The young doctor was very curious about this patient and Agent Gibbs' relationship. Agent Gibbs had said that he was the younger man's boss but his care for Agent DiNozzo seemed to stem more from that of a father to his son than from a boss to his subordinate. Dr. Stengel smiled slightly at the expressionless man in front of him. He quickly filled him in on the proper care needed for Agent DiNozzo, although Gibbs seemed to know the procedures far too well already. They nodded in parting and he left in search of a nurse to tend to his patient before he left.

In his peripheral vision, he caught sight of Gibbs back in DiNozzo's room and the two seemed to be at a stalemate, glaring at each other silently. Dr. Stengel shook his head as he made his way to the nurse's station.

**XXXX**

Tony was pissed. Why the hell had Gibbs stayed anyway? He wasn't stupid enough to try to escape…again…Okay, well maybe he was. But couldn't his boss have a little more faith in him? Tony sighed angrily as he saw his boss right outside the exam room's door, take a glance back at him. He always felt uncomfortable when people talked about him when he wasn't in the room;when people leave the room just to talk about you, it usually means they're not saying anything nice. Tony knew in this case they were talking about him in a neutral way, but he didn't really care. It still felt rude.

Tony's hand subconsciously drifted back to his left side, hovering directly over the star-shaped scar that marred his skin. He remembered the first time Jeanne had seen the scar…

_They were lying in bed together. Jeanne had gently draped her right arm across Tony's bare chest and let it rest on his left hip. Upon feeling the rough, scar tissue, Jeanne had sat up and leaned over to get a better look at it._

_Tony had panicked slightly but knew the importance of the mission and kept his memories and emotions at bay, pretending not to have noticed her obvious staring. _

"_Tony, what's this scar from?" Jeanne asked, curiosity and concern coloring her tone._

_Tony was a seasoned agent and an even better liar. He also was a master at deflection._

"_Funny story, really. I was eleven years old and I had this giant tree in my backyard that I loved to climb like every day. Oh! I remember this one time I even climbed to the very top branch of the tree and just sat up there for hours. It had a beautiful view of the sunrise. When my dad found me there, he told me to come down. Being a child, though, I had refused to leave my favorite tree. So he called the fire department! I had to literally be carried out of the tree. Guess I got my stubbornness from my dad. Oh did I tell you about that one time…"_

_He had gone on to make up some funny, believable story for an average father and son. She had never questioned the scar again. She had either just ignored it or forgot about it. They always did._

At the sound of someone clearing their throat, Tony's head shot up, causing a ripple of pain to course through his skull. He failed to hide his wince as he looked up to see Gibbs standing in the doorway. The older man looked normal but Tony, having known the older man for years, could detect the thin layer of concern in his boss' icy blue eyes.

Tony smiled as he hopped off the examination bed he had been sitting on. He wavered slightly as he was overcome with a wave of dizziness but quickly recovered and joined his boss in the doorway.

"We all ready to go, boss?" Tony grinned, looking eager to be out of the hospital.

"Let's go," Gibbs said before turning around and setting off at his usual fast pace for the exit.

**XXXX**

The drive to Gibbs' house was awkward. Really awkward. It wasn't just what passes for awkward these days, but the definition of awkward. Tony felt like slamming his head into the window or the dashboard. Finally a thought occurred to him. Abby didn't know how he was doing. He pulled out his cell phone and quickly typed a message, keeping his phone in his pocket the entire time.

_To Abby_

_Tony: Hey. Leavin' hospital am fine._

A few seconds later Tony's phone vibrated almost silently and he poked the phone out of his pocket an inch so he could read it, before sliding it back in to reply.

_Abby: Good. Gibbs pissed at you?_

_Tony: Hell yeah_

_Abby: That sucks. Maybe I can come over later to cheer both of you up._

_Tony: Sounds great. You're my savior. 3_

_Abby: Awww…Tony you're too sweet. ;')_

Halfway through his next message, Tony was stopped by the sound of Gibbs' voice.

"What does a 'less than sign' and a three mean?"

Tony jumped slightly and found his boss' face inches from his own, hovering over his left shoulder. He looked in front of himself and saw that they were at a red light; he blushed slightly at being caught.

"It's a…heart, boss. You really need to learn how to 'speak text'. It would do you a world of good." Tony tried to steer the conversation away from him texting Abby and to his boss' inability to stay with the latest technology.

**XXXX**

Gibbs rolled his eyes as he drove the car when the light turned green. He could sense a deflection, even as small as that one, very easily. He'll admit that Tony used this method with him a lot, but he was getting better at learning to see through the diversions and stop them before he got distracted on the new topic Tony brought up. He also had to admit, however, that Tony was probably the best at deflecting than anyone Gibbs had ever seen. He was impressed yet annoyed about it at the same time. At times like these, though – he was annoyed. He decided that interrogating Tony could wait until morning, though. Tony seemed too tired to do much of anything, anyway.

When they pulled up to Gibbs' house, they both exited the car and Gibbs opened the front door for Tony who muttered something that sounded like, "I have a concussion, I'm not an invalid." But Gibbs simply rolled his eyes, he was doing something nice for his senior field agent, and he was annoyed by it. Figures. He resisted the urge to head-slap Tony, wary of his concussion. Gibbs told Tony that he should go to sleep and that he could have the guest room; then he headed down the stairs and into his beloved basement.

**XXXX**

He needed to figure out what he was going to say for his interrogation tomorrow. He was a direct kind of guy, so maybe he could just ask if it was his father. He didn't want to seem insensitive, though, regardless of popular belief. He wanted Tony to tell him what had happened, but he also didn't want to force anything out of him. Gibbs sat at his workbench absent-mindedly pouring some bourbon into one of the jars on the table.

The last thing Gibbs wanted to do was to drive Tony away; to say something that caused Tony to shut him out completely or to say something that made Tony close up and deflect and lie his way around Gibbs' questions. He didn't want to alienate the younger man;he honestly just wanted to help. Gibbs knew first-handthe dangers of keeping traumatic events locked-up. He knew how it could damage someone so much, that they change almost completely. He didn't want Tony to change. Not at all.

**A/N: Okay, I'm trying to write longer chapters and all, but it's hard okay! DX **

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Please Review!**


	14. Chapter 14: No One Ever Would

**A/N: Been a while since I updated…I was getting accepted into high schools and stuff :3 Anyway, I'm trying to update this when I update 'We Lost a Dream We Never Had' but I always update that one first now…so, next chapter a bit more revealed and more questions arise…**

**Enjoy!**

Tony laid in the bed in Gibbs' guest room. He listened to the sounds around him; Gibbs sanding on his boat, the second of the clock ticking away, and the cars passing by on the street reminded him that he wasn't alone. His eyes travelled to the dark star-less sky. He had never meant for anyone to know the origin of that particular scar. That was probably the memory he was most ashamed of. He knew Gibbs probably thought that his father gave him that scar; that wasn't really true, not at all.

Against his will, he found himself recalling the grim events of that cold, February night.

_A seventeen year-old Tony parked his car outside the familiar cemetery. He reached back to the seat behind him and grabbed the large bouquet of white roses he had brought with him. He never stopped his tradition of visiting her grave on her birthday and bringing her favorite flowers to her headstone. _

_He pulled open his car door, closing it slowly. Tony __closed his eyes as he followed the path he always took. He used to visit this place a lot. Coming here multiple times a week to talk to her about his day and his life overall. The younger man liked to pretend she could still hear him. That she wasn't still drunk off her ass; that she was watching over him still. _

_In most of the memories he had of his mother, she was drunk. There were __however, a few memories that stood out from the rest. He always feared he would forget them, but to that day could recall almost every second of them. The four times she hadn't been drunk in order were: his fifth birthday, his kindergarten graduation, Christmas when he was six, and his grandmother's funeral. That's it. For eight years, he could only recall four times when she was perfectly sober. _

_He felt his chest tighten at the thought. Some days he wished his mother had been normal – that his whole family was. His friends, they didn't get it. They actually envied him. They would say that he was privileged and that they wished their families were rich. Little did they know, money isn't everything. His life wasn't full of money-baths and five-star hotels. Hell, his father left him in a two-star convict filled motel for four days before even realizing he wasn't with him. Apparently, having his __own son stay in the same hotel wasn't acceptable for his father. _

_They just didn't get it and he didn't think anybody ever would._

_It is one of those concepts you can't quite wrap your head around completely, unless you have experienced it yourself. He shook his head to clear his thoughts as he stopped beside his mother's grave. He felt the familiar sting of tears in the back of his eyes and willed them back. He couldn't cry. He promised himself he'd never cry about his family ever again. He'd upheld that promise since he was eight; the day he vowed never to show weakness in front of his father again. He wouldn't break it over the sight of his mother's grave. He saw it every year. Nothing ever changed, and it never would._

_Tony slowly lowered himself into a crouched position directly in front of the headstone. He gently placed the white roses in front it. He leaned back onto his heels and felt his anger rise. It was irrational, he knew, but he couldn't stop it from growing into a burning rage. A rage directed at his father, at his mother, at the world, at God. Hell, he didn't know if he even believed in God anymore. If there was a God, there was no way He would let these things happen to him…right?_

_He wouldn't… unless he deserved the pain; unless he was being punished for something._

_He stood up and stalked back to his car angrily. His car was cheap, nothing that he was proud of for sure. He didn't need it. He didn't need anything. Nothing at all. He wrenched open his car door and threw himself onto the driver's seat. He immediately put way too much force on the accelerator the second he started the car. He sped down the empty road, in hindsight, he would be glad that his mother was buried near the ocean and away from most of civilization, but now, he was just furious. _

_His father. He had beaten the hell out of his only son from when he was eight, to when he gave his son the worst birthday present ever when he turned twelve; __an acceptance letter from the Rhode Island Military Academy. God, he hated that man. He had only been eight when he had to learn to accept being beaten and berated without so much as a tear, or a whimper. Tony didn't think he could take the pain he was constantly facing much longer. Sure, he was away at school most of the time, but occasionally, his father would visit him or invite, or more appropriately, order him over; it was then the pain was brought back twice as strongly. _

_His mother. She had always been drunk. She hadn't cared that her only son wanted to spend time with her; get to know her. He had seen her good days and bad, but almost all of them she had at least been buzzed. It had pained him to see her that way. Tony just wished he had been able to find out the reason why. Why she seemed to want to drink herself into oblivion. What had she been hiding from? What was so bad, she hadn't wanted to live?_

_God. How, God? How? How can you let innocent people suffer so much, and assist the wicked? What has he done to deserve the pain and suffering he was been subjected to? Whatever he has done, he sure doesn't remember it. Nothing could warrant such pain. His mind was constantly filled with emotional agony and he never got any real sleep. The only sleep he _did_ get was from sleeping pills he had bought. He was a little weary about drugs since they coincide with addiction, but his hand had been forced._

_The thoughts swirling around his head came to a screeching halt. He saw an old, oak tree down the road and he suddenly knew what he must do. He saw an opportunity and he took it. _

_Swerving abruptly he slammed his car into the sturdy oak tree. _

Tony felt tears filling his eyes. He had been an idiot. His judgment had been compromised by his grief. He shouldn't have done something so stupid, so _reckless_. Tony released a shaky breath. It had been miraculous that he had escaped from the "accident" with only superficial injuries. He had broken an arm and a leg, had extensive bruising, and the most troubling, a large piece of metal lodged in his side. They had been able to remove it and it resulted in minimal scarring, but still enough to leave a clearly visible mark.

He rolled onto his stomach and smothered his face in the single pillow on the bed. Why couldn't the past just **stay in the past**? But right now, the more appropriate question seemed to be: what was he going to tell Gibbs?

**A/N: Dun dun dun…Okay, yeah I'm probably a little lazy and have a bit of writer's block about their confrontation so I haven't written it all out yet. Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review! **


	15. Chapter 15: Never Have I Ever

**A/N: Yeah, so I could probably list about 50 reasons about why I haven't updated in a **_**while**_ **but they'd all sound like excuses so I'm just going to stop talking…**

**Enjoy~**

The next morning, Tony made sure to wake up at a time late enough that he and Gibbs didn't have time for a 'talk', but early enough that they could make it to work in time. He was pretty proud of himself for that part.

The next few days were fairly boring for Tony. He was on temporary desk-duty so when they received a new case, he was stuck handling the tedious paperwork and research parts of the investigation. He received a few odd glances and looks from Ziva and McGee and felt a little bad for not talking to them yet, but Tony was also glad they weren't really pushing him.

By the time they finished their latest case, it was late Friday night and everyone was quietly finishing their reports in the bullpen. They all seemed to finish at about the same time, and after doing so, Ziva made her way over to Tony's desk.

She turned herself to fully face the Senior Field Agent, her dark brown ponytail whipping around to follow the rest of her.

"Tony, I was wondering if you would like to go out for drinks tonight. Things have been," she paused almost imperceptibly before continuing, "stressful lately, and I believe we deserve a chance to unwind a bit, yes?"

The former cop and current federal agent side of Tony could tell she wanted to question him about recent events, but the friend side of him was willing to refrain from voicing his theory and agree to a night out.

"Sounds great, just tell me where and when." To further express his approval of the idea, he added the widest grin he could muster.

Ziva went on to describe the bar she wanted to go to and told him to be there by ten. The former Mossad agent left the bullpen looking more upbeat than she had looked in days. McGee, however, looked a little disappointed at not being invited but Tony knew he would talk with McGee soon.

XXX

At nine-thirty, Tony was sitting in his car outside the aforementioned bar; waiting for Ziva to arrive. If he were being completely honest with himself, he was starting to feel a little nervous. He didn't want a coworker, his partner – no, his friend to think worse of him, or, even worse, to pity him. In Tony's opinion, there was nothing worse than being pitied.

When Ziva's car pulled up to the bar parking lot, Tony felt a brief burst of anxiety course through him. He hurriedly shoved his apprehension down, reassuring himself as much as he could.

_It's just Ziva._

_It's just Ziva, the former Mossad agent who can kill you with a paperclip 18 different ways._

_It's just Ziva, your friend and partner – well not like that, though…_

"Ah!" Tony let out a brief shout of surprise, when he was jerked from his thoughts by a loud knock on his car window.

Ziva stood outside, coat wrapped tightly around her thin frame as she tried to fend off the harsh winter Washington was facing.

"Are you coming in, or are you just going to sit in your car all night?" Ziva sniped when he made no move to exit his heated vehicle.

Sighing, Tony resigned himself to a night answering the many questions of his curious friend.

Getting out of his car, Tony let Ziva guide him into the crowded bar. She navigated through the "tactless red-throats" and some innocuous patrons to a quiet booth on the left side of the bar. Both were silent for a minute as they surreptitiously surveyed the premises for threats and possible exits.

Both satisfied with their findings they turned back to face each other. The two looked at each other for a few seconds before they both spoke at once.

"Tony-"

"Ziva-"

They shared a small smile before Ziva began again. "Tony, as you know, McGee and I have been concerned about you. You obviously flashed back to something during the incident with Hyland, and you have been acting more than a little strangely lately. I don't mean to pry if it is personal, but as your partner and as your friend I would like to at least know that you areokay."

The sincerity in her eyes caught Tony by surprise. Before he could stop it, he felt a genuine smile grace his features as he replied, "Sounds like you care."

Ziva blushed slightly, obviously a little flustered at his statement and the truth of it. She further surprised him with her response. "Yes, I do care. Over the years, you have become closer to me than I have ever allowed someone to be before. You have helped me through many things, which is why I would like to return the favor. It is obvious you are struggling with something and I would like to assist you however I can."

"Wow…we really have evolved since we first met haven't we?"

He briefly flashed back to the first day they met.

XXX

_Tony looked back at the Mossad officer. _

"_Gibbs'll be back in an hour. You sure I can't help you?"_

_Ziva laughed. "I don't think so."_

_Tony stared at her as she unwaveringly stared back. "We got off to a bad start. I'm Special Agent Tony DiNozzo. I wasn't playing charades, I was…remembering my partner."_

_She frowned. "Naked?"_

"_No," a beat, "Yes. I-I was just…look I'm not the only man who does it."_

XXX

"Well, I guess, I should probably tell you." Tony breathed deeply, preparing himself for the conversation beginning. "You know how my family is very wealthy; well, that doesn't mean that my childhood was a walk in the park."

"You never got to go to parks?" Ziva interrupted, confused.

"It's an…never mind, just my childhood wasn't easy. It sucked, really. My mother died when I was eight, and my father…barely acknowledged me and when he did…he…"

Tony stopped, taking a deep, calming breath. He could feel his friend's worried stare boring into him, but willed himself on. He had to tell her. She deserved to know. "would hit me. A lot." Tony coughed to clear his throat. "I never really dealt with it, or thought about it much, but recent events have reminded me of it. I just thought you should know…"

He mentally braced himself for her response, when they were interrupted by a waitress.

"Sorry to make you wait, as you can see it's a busy night. Anyway, can I get you two anything?"

The two placed their orders and waited for the waitress to bring them their drinks before resuming their conversation.

"I am…sorry, Tony. I had no idea. If I had, I would not have mentioned your childhood at all – and I'm sure McGee would feel the same way."

"I know you wouldn't have and it's fine. I just didn't want you to be confused or worried anymore. You don't have to do anything about it or anything."

"I will help you as best I can, and thank you for telling me. I know it took a great deal of courage on your part, and I am grateful for the trust you have in me."

Tony exhaled loudly. "Now that that's over, why don't we play a little game to lighten the mood. Have you ever played: Never Have I Ever?"

Ziva shook her head, and intently listened to Tony as he explained the simple rules, neither caring about the slight absurdity of two federal agents playing Never Have I Ever.

"Okay," Tony began, "here are the rules. The two of us take turns saying something that we have never done and if the other has done it, they have to drink. You got it?"

The assassin smiled.

The two played Never Have I Ever for about two hours, before they were both a little drunk, and the bar was nearing last call. They stumbled out of the bar, and after a few minutes, Tony was able to hail a cab for Ziva. He opened the door for her, and told the driver her address and as he was helping Ziva in, she stopped him.

She placed a light kiss on his cheek, smiled, and then entered the cab and drove off. Tony was smiling as he pulled his cell phone out of his coat so he could call Gibbs. He knew the older man was probably worried so he simultaneously reined in another cab and explained the night's events to the former marine.

After being told he was staying the night at Gibbs' house again, he told the cab driver his boss'address and let himself relax into his seat, content with how things went that night.

**A/N: Le gasp, a chapter! Yeah, it's been a while since I updated and I'm sorry for that and I hope I didn't lose any of your interests.**

**Also, that flashback to when they first met is legit it's in the first episode of season 3 if anyone's curious.**

**Please review~**


	16. Chapter 16: Only Company

**A/N: ...I'm a terrible person. I am SOOOOO sorry guys! I haven't posted in like half a year and I feel like absolute SHIT. Please forgive me, I offer this short chapter as an olive branch. I'm sorry. I hope you guys like it at least...**

When Tony arrived at Gibbs' house, he had sobered slightly, but was still a little buzzed. Entering the perpetually unlocked front door, Tony was surprised that Gibbs in his over-protectiveness wasn't waiting by the door for him. Deciding it best to get the inevitable conversation about his scar over with, Tony slowly made his way down to the basement, keeping one of his hands on the railing at all times so that he didn't fall on the way down.

Tony seated himself on the last step, unsurprised to see Gibbs working on his boat silently; his only company a half-drunk jar of bourbon. He knew Gibbs knew that he was there, but the basement remained cloaked in silence for a few minutes. Tony was beginning to panic slightly, wondering why the hell he thought talking to Gibbs was going to be a good idea, when Gibbs finally broke the silence.

"Ya just gonna sit there all night, DiNozzo?" Tony effortlessly read the underlying subtext: _Aren't you going to talk about it?_

_I shouldn't. I don't want to. Don't make me rehash this again. _All of Tony's words got caught in his throat when he saw the concern, carefully hidden from the untrained eye but clearly visible to Tony, shining in his boss' eyes.

Instead of saying any of the things swirling around his mind, he just nodded once; eyes falling to examine the thin layer of sawdust scattered around the basement. A strange sensation, not unlike a tickle in one's throat, occurred in Tony's lungs as he saw the dust, and he was reminded of a time when such a harmless substance could have been close to deadly for him. His bout with pneumonic plague still haunted him – more than most people know – and he was sure that Gibbs was still careful about it at as well.

"_Tony._" Tony was brought back to the present by Gibbs' uncharacteristically soft tone.

"Sorry, boss, got distracted." He paused briefly, taking a deep breath before he continued. "I guess you wanna know about," Tony made an undeterminable gesture at his hip, knowing Gibbs will easily understand.

Gibbs just continued staring at him, which in Gibbs-speak is a clear: _yes_.

Tony's eyes traveled along the wall, not wanting the ex-Marine to see him explain his moment of weakness. Not wanting to Gibbs to hate him for being weak. In the Corp you have to be extremely courageous, and the virtue is valued greatly during and after your time in the Corp. So of course Gibbs will hate him, he was weak, pathetic. Tony swallowed; loosening his tie.

"Well, when I was seventeen, I had a classic case of teenage angst." _Light, keep it light, make jokes._ "And I, uh, well, my car crashed, er, I crashed my car. Or a tree crashed into my car. It's kinda a blur, but some metal from my car got lodged in my side. It was pretty serious at the time, but it doesn't really matter now. No need to go all Papa Bear on me about this." Yeah, he was definitely a little drunk for that to have slipped out.

XXX

Gibbs knew that Tony hadn't told him the entire story, but his gut told him that what he was told was the truth. At least the younger man hadn't felt the need to lie to him about the scar's origin.

Tony's head was still turned away from Gibbs, so Tony obviously still needed a few more moments to compose himself. Gibbs took the time to examine what he had been told.

From what Gibbs already knew about Tony's childhood, he knew "a classic case of teenage angst" didn't even scratch the surface of what he must have been going through. Gibbs wouldn't push there, though. He knew how important it was to have your own private thoughts in times of emotional turmoil.

"Papa Bear" though? He'd heard that before. Abby had called him Papa Bear when he was being a little overprotective of her. So Tony thought he could be overprotective. Gibbs did think of Tony as a kind of surrogate son.

Not that he'd ever say it out loud.

**A/N: Please Review! Yay, nay, eh. Whatever. Any kind or constructive reviews are welcome. 3**


	17. Chapter 17: Blessed Normalcy

**A/N: Please don't murder me. Enjoy the story.**

Timothy McGee nervously tapped his fingers on the wooden table in the middle of his booth. Tim looked around the scarcely populated café, his investigator and writer instincts taking note of some of the more interesting patrons. A young woman: probably late 20s a child in her lap and an infant in a stroller beside her. She was facing the entrance, constantly looking towards it. She's probably waiting for an estranged boyfriend/husband maybe for alimony. His waiter was a smoker, the nicotine stains fading but still visible on his fingernails. He was stressed about something, probably financial troubles. The waiter kept looking at the young woman, he looked at her differently. Maybe she was a regular and he had a thing for her. Maybe—

"Probie? Your hearing okay?"

McGee jumped slightly at the unexpected voice and the hand placing itself on his shoulder. His eyes shot up to find Tony and he let out a sigh as he relaxed back down into his side of the booth.

"You were the one to suggest this place and time, why are you so space-y?" Tony continued, looking exhausted. This was understandable, though, Tony _had_ been out having drinks with Ziva the night before. Tim had never done so with the female assassin himself, but Abby's stories always left him a little wary of drinking with Ziva.

"Sorry, just…nervous." He muttered, the unexpected admission throwing Tony off slightly. Time wasn't one who usually admitted to shortcomings, not since his early years at NCIS. He had learned that such honesty could be a bad thing to have, even if just because his teammates would make fun of him for whatever he revealed. He did know, though, that the team didn't actually think little of him, it was just how things went. Over the years Tony's harsh teasing and hazing had only made him stronger.

"No need to be nervous, Tim. It's just me. It's just Tony." Two things struck Tim from the three short sentences. One: He had been addressed by Tim and not "Probie" or "Mc"- something. Tony was trying to comfort and relax him, but that only amped up his apprehension.

Two: The wide, "mega-watt" grin that had followed Tony's words had been forced, greatly so. There had been little authenticity in the smile which made Tim further question the emotional and mental state of his friend. He was constantly assuring them, almost overly so, that he was "fine". They all knew that wasn't entirely true, though.

"Is it? Is this 'Tony'?" McGee retorted, his skepticism audible in his tone.

"As far as I know, yeah." Came the completely bewildered reply; words iterated as if to a small child.

"You know what I mean." He huffed out, frustrated at Tony's stubborn refusal to talk honestly with him.

Suddenly, the faux confused expression vanished from his face, as if at the flick of a switch.

Suddenly, sitting across the table from Tim was Anthony DiNozzo, not Tony.

A few weeks ago, had someone told him that Tony was a depressed, serious man at his core, Tim would have asked them what they were smoking. By now, he had seen the core of his friend multiple times and once the initial incredulity had vanished, he had realized it made more sense that it sounded. The Tony that was projected was a shield. All insults, reprimands, and other put-downs were deflected away from Tony's guarded, fragile spirit. This way he could appear to be unwavering and apathetic towards these things.

"You're right." Tim hadn't been really expecting a response, since it had been minutes since either of them had spoken. The quiet statement was unexpected, not just for it having happened, because Tony wasn't one to admit anything. Especially, to admit someone else was right. "A few weeks ago, you wouldn't have had a clue."

The SFA's words held no malice, only an air of wistful reminiscing. Remembrance of when the team dynamics were simpler. When they didn't have a clue about the truth of DiNozzo Sr. McGee sighed, equally wishing things were still the same. It's not that he didn't know how to act towards Tony (well, okay, maybe a little), but mainly for Tony's sake. If this tragic series of events hadn't occurred, the former cop wouldn't have had to rehash all this terrible, personal shit.

Tony looked up at McGee, eyes locking. He looked prepared to speak; to explain his past as best as he could manage. McGee decided to stop him.

"It's okay, Tony. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to." The sincere compassion and understanding in the younger man's tone touched Tony. This was where Tony and Tim's relationship was different than any of his other relationships.

Gibbs, Ziva, Ducky, Palmer, and Abby had each wanted or even asked for at least part of the story. Tony didn't hold any ill will towards them for seeking as much; it was refreshing to talk with someone not wishing to hear the full scoop.

"Thank you." He responded; genuine smile gracing his visage as he gazed at his close friend and teammate. Tim returned the smile readily; pleased to see that his decision not to push had brightened the expression on his companion's face.

"No problem."A comfortable silence settled over there booth, both men content to listen to the cacophony of noises being emitted from the many other patrons of the café. "How are you, anyway? Um, physically, I meant." Tim revised quickly, not wanting to seem as if he were rescinding his previous offer of silence.

Tony winced at the question, suddenly all too aware of the various bruises littering his body and the pounding in his skull. He still couldn't turn his head too quickly, and if asked to walk in a straight line he probably wouldn't be able to accomplish it because of his concussion. He hadn't wanted to worry Gibbs, so he'd kept this a secret as well as his photophobia and hyperacusis. These last two symptoms were the most troubling, especially because the café had large windows that ushered in high amounts of bright sunlight and the decibel level was higher than any establishment of its size had any right to be.

"I'm-" Tony had to physically stop the automated reply of "I'm fine" to tumble past his lips. It was so ingrained in his mind that it took a moment to think of a suitable reply other than it. "I'm doing better." He finished lamely. He seemed hesitant to say even this, which worried the younger agent more than he showed.

"If you ever need anything, Tony, just ask." The double entendre was not lost on the Senior Field Agent. He knew that McGee was referring to both his emotional and physical needs and oddly enough, this didn't bother him as much as such a comment usually would. He would usually see this as a veiled way of calling him weak or incompetent, no matter how innocent and altruistic the speaker intended the offer to be. This time, though, Tony only heard the kindness behind the words. "I can imagine how hellish it must be to be around Gibbs 24/7."

Tony chuckled at this, thankful for the mood lightener. Funny. He was usually the one doing that.

"Yeah, I think if I didn't already have a concussion, I'd have gotten one from him already. The amount of times I've seen his hand rise and then freeze midair in remembrance is hilarious. He doesn't seem to know how to deal with me without the headslaps."

The two agents laughed, relishing the normalcy of the situation and the easy camaraderie that had been lacking in all of Tony's relationships lately.

The two spoke for over an hour longer before the simultaneous ringing of their cell phones interrupted them. They both answered the calls, unsurprised to hear dispatch notifying them of a body.

They both stood, McGee put a few bills down on the table and they made their way out of the café, both more at ease after their talk.

**A/N: This took multiple drafts over a two month-ish period, but I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out. I have recently been fascinated by the McNozzo bromance and while this is primarily a Tony/Gibbs father/son story, I thought I'd touch on this bromance as I touched on the Tiva friendship (or more?). This will remain gen and Tony/Gibbs focused, though, don't worry. **

**Anyway, tell me what you think! Review! I can use all the constructive criticism I can get, this is, after all, written for you fans so your input is greatly appreciated. Every comment is considered when I write!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18: Epilogue

**A/N: Last chapter, guys! I feel like everything has been wrapped up and this chapter is more of an epilogue than anything, so I'm naming the chapter Epilogue, because I'm creative like that. So, uh, reviews are appreciated! Please! :)**

"Baby, how I've missed you!" Tony's joyous cry echoed through his spacious apartment, causing the forensics expert to chuckle as she playfully hit his arm. Abby obviously thought that Tony looked a bit too relieved at finally being released from Gibbs' watchful eye.

"C'mon, Tony, Gibbs isn't _that_ bad." Tony gave her a look that clearly conveyed his lack of agreement and she shrugged in response. "He's nice when I stay over."

DiNozzo felt his eyes widen significantly at the statement. For a moment he didn't know what to think. Perverted situations for why she would stay over flooded his brain, the reflex too overpowering to staunch immediately. He had to repeatedly insist to himself that the two had a more filial relationship than anything even vaguely approaching sexual. Apparently, he had stayed silent a little longer than he should have because Abby's eyes narrowed in suspicion before widening abruptly in realization at what he must have been considering.

"Not like that! Jeez! No, he's like…" Abby slapped his arm a few times, perhaps a little harder than necessary in repulsion at the idea. Her expression contorted into deep thought, though, after she failed to find a sufficient ending for her sentence.

"Like…?" Both NCIS employees jumped at the sudden voice from behind them. The sly man in the doorway had his arms crossed almost protectively across his broad chest as he considered the younger woman he had addressed.

"Hey, Gibbs," Abby replied, obviously stalling for time as her intelligent brain searched for a suitable word or phrase. "I was, uh, just saying that…Tony said he didn't like staying with you!" She let out in a rush, eyes the size of saucers. Tony's lightly bandaged head shot over to his friend's in disbelief at the sudden betrayal. Abby gave him a sympathetic look before risking a glance over at Gibbs.

His eyebrows were drawn together to express his confusion and Abby immediately felt guilt wash over her. The MCRT team leader wasn't looking at her, though, instead, his eyes were boring into his SFA's. Tension flooded the room and Abby knew that while not necessarily the best time or way to have the following conversation, it was inevitable. She had the sneaking suspicion that this very discussion was the reason he had offered to meet them here to help Tony settle back in.

"I'm gonna…" She vaguely gestured the door behind Gibbs and mouthed a quick apology to Tony before rapidly leaving the apartment. She really didn't want to get caught in the crossfire.

* * *

><p>Tony steadfastly held his superior's gaze, refusing to waver even in the face of the steely blue eyes that had broken terrorists with just their stare. He couldn't help but wonder why all this random, crazy shit happened to him. In this case, he knew the reason was a certain pigtailed goth, but everything else…did he step on an ant or something when he was six? Did the universe have some vendetta against him? He was just beginning to consider renaming "Murphy's Law" to "DiNozzo's law" when Gibbs broke the tense silence.<p>

"Coulda just said something yourself." The innocent enough statement became warped when it entered Tony's skeptical, self-deprecating mind. Instead of being understood as a way of telling Tony that he could be honest with Gibbs, Tony interpreted as Gibbs' way of telling him that he should grow a pair and be able to face the possible incurrence of his boss' wrath for a little while. In reality, Gibbs wouldn't have really minded if Tony had sought refuge with another member of the team; he just wanted Tony to get healthy again.

"Sorry, boss, what I said to Abby, she kinda misinterpreted it. Well, not entirely, but what I mean is…I only meant that I was glad to be back in my apartment, it's my space and I have all my stuff and now you don't have to watch over me every night and-"

"Tony,"

"You can work on your boat again without being in danger of murdering me and-"

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs finally barked, halting any more of Tony's nervous ramblings in their tracks. Tony's mouth immediately shut; worry crossing his visage as he awaiting his castigation. It didn't even seem to occur to him that he hadn't even done anything that would invoke any scolding.

"Yeah, boss?" He replied, not missing a beat.

"Shut up and listen. I don't care if you tell me you want to stay somewhere else. I just needed to know you had someone watching your ass or you'd have gone straight here and risked falling into a coma in the middle of the night with no one the wiser." Gibbs kept as much gruffness in his voice as he could, wary to sound too gentle in front of the younger man (he had a reputation to uphold after all) but he made sure to soften it minutely. He wanted to sound sincere not harsh.

"Oh," Hardly the most eloquent of responses, but he was justifiably startled. It wasn't that often that he heard Gibbs say an entire paragraph at once. "Thanks, boss."

While Tony was not usually a man of few words, in certain, special moments he has learned that limiting himself to a few necessary words and allowing expressions and body language to tell the rest has the most profound impact. So, now, standing only a few feet into his apartment with his boss standing a mere three feet away, he kept his words to the minimum. He allowed his eyes to show his gratitude and express what he couldn't get himself to say aloud.

They told Gibbs that he was thankful for the hospitality, despite what he said to Abby. They told Gibbs that he was thankful for not pressing any of the touchy subjects that had been brought up in the last few months. They told Gibbs that Tony knew he would not have gotten through this whole debacle in (relatively) one piece if it weren't for Gibbs.

They told Gibbs that he loved him.

He needed Gibbs, had for so long, and standing here only a few feet into his apartment with his boss a mere three feet away, he realized that. He had known that he valued the older man; had known that their relationship was unique since the day that Gibbs offered him the job at NCIS with just the point of a finger.

Tony knew that he loved Gibbs because love is knowing that you couldn't even exist without them. Gibbs had become the best father he could ask for, so he knew. He knew that he couldn't exist without him anymore.

"Thanks, boss."

**A/N: 1) I'm sorry if the ending is sappy or cliche or both and if you guys don't like it, I'm sorry, but I secretly live for this sort of thing so...yeah, sorry for the sap... 2) This is still gen! Don't think I meant the 'I love you' as a romantic thing, 'kay? 3) Please review this is my longest completed fic and the most impressive thing I've done so yeah, reviews are love! 4) THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! To everyone that has taken the time to read all of this and review, follow, or favorite it. I owe you guys the world, and am sad that all I can give you are stories and sentiments. THANKS GUYS! I love you all! Look out for more of my stories if you're interested! :)**


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